Here be spoilers, and analysis that probably qualifies as obsessive, in a clinical sense.
Well that didn't take long.
It was only a couple episodes ago that Bran learned he was able to inhabit the minds of animals. Now he's becoming increasingly hooked on the sensation, a development that has the potential to transform his vague northward mission into an after-school special on warging addiction.
But it seems like something else significant happened on Sunday night, too …
Oh, right. Only the MURDER OF MOST EMINENTLY HATEABLE MAJOR TELEVISION CHARACTER SINCE … Who? Benjamin Linus? J.R. Ewing? What other prime-time rage-crush has been more adept at inspiring such a pure, cleansing contempt than the execrable King Joffrey Baratheon? Jack Gleeson was blessed with an incredibly punchable sneer, but his master stroke, as an actor, was to base Joffrey's despicableness in universally recognizable character faults. He wasn't just some lunatic sadist (see: Snow, Ramsay). Joffrey was a grotesque exaggeration of the insufferable rich kid at your high school — privileged beyond imagining but still petulant and mean, obnoxious and insecure, and indifferent to the value of anything or anyone. We despised those guys, even when they weren't shooting people with crossbows for sport.
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But on a show like "Game of Thrones," with its three-dimensional characters and their complicated motives, it was oddly comforting to have a guy like Joffrey around to loathe without mitigation. He was a gift to that part of your brain that just likes to be angry, and now he's gone — undone by a mouthful of poisoned pigeon pie or wine. It'd be sad if it wasn't also satisfying to watch him convulsing wildly, his karma finally catching up to him. It's to Mr. Gleeson's credit that it wasn't as satisfying as I thought it would be.
There was plenty of warning, of course. Signs last week pointed to things going badly at the royal wedding, and the smart money was on Joffrey to catch the worst of it. There was the foreshadowing we discussed last week — the arrival of Oberyn the Lannister hater, and Joffrey not expecting "any trouble" — as well as this show's tendency to swing for the fences. Joffrey's death offered the biggest narrative shake-up.
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Who killed Joffrey? (No spoilers, book people.)
Then, once the wedding celebration had actually begun, we had Joffrey out-Joffreying himself, pushing our contempt deeper and deeper into the red as he pelted Sigur Ros with coins, cackled at his boorish dwarf minstrel show and extravagantly humiliated the beloved Tyrion. "Game of Thrones" is known for pulling the rug out from under you, but it routinely telegraphs deaths, too, amping up a character's loathsomeness to produce maximum satisfaction when the end arrives (Polliver, Kraznys the slaver, Mero the misogynist sellsword).
By the time Joffrey started coughing, I wondered what had taken so long, but the death scene was a marvel. Mr. Gleeson managed to project some real human terror, and it was genuinely, if somewhat disturbingly, moving to see Cersei, Jaime and Joffrey finally all huddled together as a family. (Name me another show that could break your heart a little over a pair of incestuous twins and their savage spawn.)
Tyrion was blamed, of course — now we know why he gets locked up — but thoughts turned immediately to who really dunnit. I watched and rewatched that scene as if it were the Zapruder film, looking for clues, but I still don't know. So let's break down some of the suspects in order of likelihood:
• Oberyn Martel: The man all but said in the premiere that he was in town to kill Lannisters. At the wedding, he was less strident but still barbed, basically telling Tywin and Cersei that they were Team Rape and Murder. He didn't seem especially murderous himself that day, but again, he all but said that he was in town to kill Lannisters, which makes him the obvious choice. But is he too obvious?
• Melisandre: Remember the three "usurper" effigy leeches she had Stannis burn last season (representing Robb Stark, Joffrey and Balon Greyjoy)? Well after Joffrey's demise, it's two down, one to go.
• The House Tyrell: The big question here is what Joffrey's death means for Margaery (Natalie Dormer). I'm no authority on paths of succession in the Seven Kingdoms, but assuming she and Joffrey didn't find a way to procreate on the way to the reception, she wouldn't even have Queen Regent status. The next Baratheon in line would be Stannis, I assume. (Gendry is still under the radar and rowing towards King's Landing, presumably.) But with Stannis on the outs, perhaps the Tyrells have a plan, possibly one based on the support of the Flea Bottom masses Margaery has been cultivating. Margaery, now a double-Baratheon widow (counting her brief sham marriage to Renly), married Joffrey only for power. I wouldn't put spousicide past her if she could benefit politically. Beyond that, the Tyrell case is mostly circumstantial. Early on, Lady Olenna tells Sansa that killing man at a wedding is "horrid" and wonders "what sort of monster would do such a thing?" Maybe trying to throw people off the scent? She also mentions that she paid for the food, and there was the lingering camera shot on the pie, with its butchered birds, after Joffrey had cut it with his sword. There was also the way Margaery aggressively shoveled said pie into Joffrey's face, but these could all be red herrings.
• Petyr Baelish: "Chaos is a ladder," Littlefinger said in Season 3, and few things are more destabilizing than the murder of a king. The freshly minted Lord of Harrenhal wasn't at the wedding, which is exactly how an operator like Littlefinger would handle an assassination plot. He's either conspired with or betrayed (or both) most of the people on this list, and don't overlook the revenge factor — his feelings for Lady Catelyn Stark seemed to be genuine. Would you rule him out?
• Varys: Another wildcard, based largely on his general status as a court schemer. But did you notice how many times the camera cut to Varys during the ceremony? Each time he looked dour or preoccupied — in striking contrast to the (admittedly idiotic) glee around him at Joffrey's high jinks — to the point that he was like a living meme. ("Varys is not amused.") Perhaps he was just offended by the dwarf show. Or perhaps he was waiting, darkly, anticipating the execution of a plot he hatched, maybe in league with …
• Dontos Hollard: He certainly has the motive, having been repeatedly disgraced by Joffrey. Did you see how quickly he appeared at Sansa's side, helping her to flee?
• Sansa: She has more reason to kill Joffrey than anyone. I just don't see it, but I've been wrong before.
Of course it's possible that some combination of the above or some other enemy entirely had a hand in Joffrey's demise — he wasn't exactly a charmer. Please share your own theories in the comments.
The one person who does seem innocent is the guy who took the fall. But Tyrion's lot this season seems to be as a sort of sacrificial lamb for the sins of his father and the world he has fostered at King's Landing. A moral man sticks out in a place devoid of ethics, making him all the easier to cut down.
Speaking of daddy issues, the other major plot development this week involved the dreaded Ramsay (Iwan Rheon), who in characteristic fashion, kicked things off by hunting an actual human girl with his sidekick Myranda and the creature formerly known as Theon Greyjoy in tow. They shot the girl full of arrows, but Ramsay stopped Myranda from finishing her off so the dogs could have the honor. Because, of course he did.
It's pretty rich that Ramsay should be teaching anyone about the virtues of restraint since his creators have shown so little in writing his storyline. His season-long degradation and torture of Theon was maybe the biggest misstep the series has made, to the point that I, like his victim, have a physical reaction anytime Ramsay appears. (Theon/Reek cowers. Mine's more of a weary sigh.)
Nevertheless, Ramsay appears to have more to do this season. Roose Bolton, his father, has pledged to reconsider Ramsay's steerage-class status within the family if he takes Moat Cailin, claimed during the war by the Ironborn (ruled by Balon Greyjoy, Theon's father and Melisandre's third "usurper," remember). Ramsay will no doubt stir things up, but at this point, his twisted, one-dimensional malevolence is so firmly entrenched and unrelatable that I have a hard time caring one way or the other. Mostly I'm just looking forward to the day when someone serves Ramsay his own pigeon pie, and we can all move on.
A FEW THOUGHTS WHILE WE ENJOY OUR BOOK SOUP AND GRILLED SEAGULL
• Congratulations to Stannis, Selyse and Melisandre, who set a record this week for world's worst dinner party. Funereal ambiance, spoiled meat and awkward chit-chat between a surly lord, his insane wife and his dark priestess adviser-shadow-monster-babymama? That one's not getting topped for a while. I was surprised by Melisandre's tenderness with the princess Shireen, who again demonstrated that the kids seem to be the only ones who get how truly messed up things are in this world. Yes, your poor uncle screamed when we burned him alive, Melisandre explains, but women also scream during childbirth, and then their agony gives way to ecstasy. "Afterwards they aren't ash and bone," Shireen replies.
• Shae Watch, Week 2: Do we think she actually made it on the boat?
• No surprise, but the second Valyrian steel sword was a wedding gift for Joffrey. "Such a great sword should have a name!" he exclaimed, in a fun callback to the Hound's dirty joke from last week.
• Loved seeing Bronn as the Apollo Creed to Jaime's Rocky in the training scene. ("Rocky 3″ Apollo, to be clear.) The writers keep finding new ways to use Bronn, played with mercenary savoir faire by Jerome Flynn, and I always enjoy it.
• Brienne lo-oves Jaime! Brienne lo-oves Jaime!
• Finally, Mr. Gleeson, who seems like a thoughtful lad, says he's done with acting after "Game of Thrones," and who can blame him? As Joffrey, he achieved a sort of villainous perfection that would be hard to top, or to live down. He wasn't going to winningly bumble his way through a rom-com anytime soon. But it's worth noting again how truly great he has been as the mad boy-king. Long live King Joff — well, that doesn't really work. But really, he was tremendous.
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